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What a Lost Pen Taught Me

7:48 AM
I really had a tough night. I woke up about four from a dream that I rely didn’t enjoy. It was truly not of the Good Spirit. When I tried to go back to sleep, the dog decided that she wanted to move around and her snoring seemed to be the loudest yet. So I got up and got ready for work. Before going to bed, I had put my ring, watch, and my Mont Blanc roller-ball in my pants pocket. At least, I thought I had. Anyway, I couldn’t find the pen anywhere. Searched and searched, the more I searched, the angrier I got. Why do I say all this? Because when I got to the office to have my time with God this was the passage I contemplated on.

“Brothers, I could not talk to you as spiritual people, but as fleshly people, as infants in Christ. I fed you milk, not solid food, because you were unable to take it. Indeed, you are still not able, even now, for you are still of the flesh. While there is jealousy and rivalry among you, are you not of the flesh, and behaving in an ordinary human way?”

I started thinking about why I was so upset at loosing that stupid pen. Then it came to me. That pen was a status symbol for me. Sure it wrote really well and I enjoyed using it. But, I also enjoyed pulling it out, especially around others. It increased my stature and provided me wih a sense of self-esteem and self-worth. I realize now that rivalry was at the heart of my anger. Yes, I hated losing the money. Yes, I hated feeling like an idiot. But, to me, the pen represented me being as good as and better than. It was pure and simple rivalry. Score one for the flesh, the imposter face, the “Big I.”

Lord, help me to remember Psalm 73 (if you hadn’t heard me say it before Ps. 73 is my life’s story),

“Whom else have I in the heavens? Nothing beside you delights me on earth.”

Jesus, I offer you the prayer from Saint Ignatius:

“Lord Jesus, I ask for the grace of an ever deeper commitment to you. Bring me to the point where I neither desire or prefer riches rather than poverty, fame and respect rather than disgrace, a long rather than a short life. Let my single purpose, my one over-riding goal be to bring honor and glory to You and become the person you created me to be.”


Written by John Hannah

November 11, 2010 at 9:35 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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