MERRY CHRISTMAS

The Nativity Story 9/10

All my life, I thought I would be happy if I had acquired possessions. Then I could do things, relax and have some fun. I could enjoy life! If I could get enough money, it also meant that I had achieved success. Then people would give me respect and I would have value on this earth. Once I had prestige then I would have power. The ability to rule my life and if I didn’t like the way things were, I could cause them to change.

I’ll bet that if you’ve had some of these same thoughts. If not now, maybe in your past? If you think about it, it’s the same thoughts that got our original parents, Adam and Eve, into trouble. They wanted to be like God. They wanted possessions, power and prestige. So, they took control of their lives. The only thing they achieved, however, was to recognize their own nakedness. Their lack of ability to achieve anything. Not only that but as a result, they also lost their relationship with the One that did have possessions, power and prestige. The Father that loved them that was willing to share it all with them.

During this season, we should remember that the child born in Bethlehem came to provide the way back into that original relationship. Can you remember the feeling when you were held in your mom’s or dad’s lap? The prodigal son remembered. And, as he was returning to his father, even before he saw his father, the father came running toward him and began to share all that he had with his son.

Wouldn’t it be great to feel that security, that love, that peace again? That’s why Jesus was born! God loves us so much that while we were, and are, yet sinners; Christ died for us. He came to reveal God; to reveal God’s infinite love for us.

So this Christmas let’s relish in God’s love and thank Him for being born and for providing the way back into the original relationship with Our Father. If you aren’t experiencing Our Father’s love, then return to Him and He’ll greet you before you can even hit your knees or get the words out of your mouth.

May this be the Merriest and Happiest Christmas of all!

Taking Time to iLEAD

What is That

I am posting a little early this week. I’m going to Boston on Thursday and wanted to make sure that iLEAD. Having watched this short film, I really felt a sense of urgency because it really struck home; it struck a nerve! A friend on Facebook sent it to me and I began to wonder how she knew me so well. I don’t know about you but I really identified with one of the characters in this video. You see, I’m the task oriented guy. I like to get things done and most of the time can exclude those I’m closest to all in the name of achievement. This is exaggerated due to attention deficit disorder. We that suffer from this quirk have a hard time concentrating and when we get focused, we’re really focused and hate to be interrupted because it’s so hard to get back in the zone. So when something breaks the spell I can go off just like the young man did with his father. It’s times like these that my wife says, “You change from being a Teddy Bear into being a Grizzly.” How about you? Ever gotten mad at those around you when you were interrupted from doing something you either want to do or felt that you needed to do? If you have maybe a couple of thoughts that help me may be of use.

The first thought is that most of the time, tasks will usually be around tomorrow. They won’t go away; they’ll still be there. This is not always true with people. If you ignore them enough, maybe they’ll seek other places to fill their relationship needs. So when you’re immersed in something and a son, daughter, wife, husband or friend needs a little help or even a little attention think about whether the task isn’t something that can wait a few minutes.

The second thought is a something I am learning from having read John Maxwell; “People are the most appreciable asset in the world.” When you take the time at work to answer questions and show a little concern for fellow workers, you’re actually creating ways to get more tasks done at higher levels of quality. It’s about building a team. Most that work with you need to feel that they are important. They also need to believe that you’re interested in helping them advance in their career. When you take the time to fulfill these needs, you have created a friend and a teammate who can take a lot of pressure off you. You can say iLEAD.

So why are we so emphatic about completing the task at hand? I think there’s a couple of reasons. First, it’s because we derive and protect our own self-image by being productive, maybe by being more productive than anyone else. In this way we try to earn the respect of others. Isn’t it funny that this impostor face we put on to draw people to us actually drives them away. Maybe it’s because our ego is big enough to think that no one else can do the job as well as we can. So, we do it all and fail to prioritize and delegate. Again, the very thing we want to accomplish, that is being being effective is never realized because we never have the time to do a thorough job. Whatever the reason, remember how important others are. Remember that there are only to requirements that Jesus gave. Love God and love your neighbor. Tasks aren’t someone I can talk to, got o a ballgame or a movie with nor can they fill the relational needs we all have.

So which character are you? If you’re the younger character would you prefer the young character at the beginning of the film or the one at the end? The one at the end was a leader! Are you a leader? Let’s check our oil:

1. Do we take the time to build relationships and get to know those around us? Do you know what makes them happy, sad, mad? What they want out of life?

2. When people need to visit with you do you make sure you’re not interrupted? Tell the secretary that you’re not to be disturbed and to hold all calls? Do you give them your undivided attention and actively listen to what they are saying?

3. Are you taking the time to train those interested in advancing their careers? Once trained, are you willing to trust them by delegating those tasks to them?

4. When a task is one only you can do and it’s urgent, do you take the time to explain and commit to a future time?

5. How important are people to you? Do you believe they are the only true appreciable asset created on earth?

Let’s keep this video in mind the next time we get impatient when interrupted! Remember the small i and let’s iLEAD.

When There’s Hope, There’s a Way

Israel Kamakawiwo’Ole ‘IZ’ ‘Somewhere Over The Rainbow’ HQ

What is life without hope? I know that when I am going through the rough times, I would quit if it weren’t for the hope of what could be if I accomplished the goal. What’s even better is when you can couple hope with faith.

I can remember being when I was playing ball and would get into the huddle, the look on the quarterback’s face could make all the difference in the world. Steve Grogan was that type of a leader. Even when we were behind and it looked as if there was no way to come back, his face revealed an inner confidence that was contagious.

Are you that kind of leader? When teammates, or even family members, look at you do they feel the confidence, the faith that if we just keep going, if we persevere, we’ll get it done. Not only that, but when we do succeed just look at what’s ahead when we do! When you think about it, it’s about attitude and your attitude is about believing. It is something we can manage, a choice that determines how to live.

It could be that you’re like me and you might lack faith in yourself. If that’s the case, I have a simple solution. Put you faith in an all-powerful God who has shown his love for us.

So are you a leader that gives his team confidence or are you the one that causes them to loose heart? Let’s check our oil:

1. Have you seen the vision of the future and have you given that vision to your team?

2. Do you truly believe that you can accomplish the dream?

3. Are you willing to persevere yourself and be the example to your team?

4. Do you lack faith in yourself? If do have you put your trust in God?

Archie Bunker the Servant Leader

Archie Bunkers Place: Thanksgiving Reunion Pt2 Pt3

Very seldom do we see Archie Bunker as a servant leader but this is no ordinary time. Meathead has just lost his job and all things look bleak. He is questioning if he’s worth anything and all he sees himself as is a total failure. Ever been there” I have.

Is life today much better? We are living during the worst economic time of my lifetime. Unemployment is hovering at 10% and there’s no relief in sight. Many have lost their jobs and it’s not just the laborer. Middle managers, especially middle management, have taken much of the brunt. Not only that, people living on fixed incomes that must rely on their retirement portfolios have suffered substantial losses. There’s a lot of fear and uncertainty out there. A lot of people wondering who and what they are. So what’s to be thankful for this Thanksgiving?

We can be thankful for our heath, says the neighbor. We can be be thankful for our children, says the pastor. We can be thankful for all different kinds of things, says a lot of people. As my Dad always said, “Talk is cheap.” Have these talkers ever had to be thankful when they were scared that they might loose their home or when their stomach was growling because of being hungry or when a child was being forced to quit college because the family can no longer afford tuition payments. Most of those enduring these disasters are not at fault. Most are hard working people who were effected because of corporate downsizing due to the economy and technology So here comes Archie to the rescue.

Did you ever imagine that Archie Bunker could be a leader, a model for servant leadership? He sure is here. He’s tasted what it’s like to suffer when he had no one to turn to. He expresses real empathy to a person that in reality, stands for everything he opposes and reaches out with a helping hand. This is true love. Not the gooey or sexy stuff that the media usually tells us is love but the true love of a servant leader. Don’t worry about food and shelter while I’m around. I’m here. Remind you of anything or anybody?

“Don’t worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; or about your body, what you will wear.”

The only problem with this passage is that everybody is expecting God to rain down manna for those in need. Although He very easily could, that’s just not the way He works. He’s not that selfish. He gives us a chance to participate and have a little fun. That’s right, He provides through us. We get to share in the joy of being able to help others. So, let’s really be thankful this Thanksgiving by helping those in need when given the opportunity. Let’s really be servant leaders.

Want to check you oil? One simple way. If you see someone who is without clothes and lacks food do you say, “Happy Thanksgiving, keep warm, and eat well” or do you give them what they need?

The Impostor

The Mask- Park Scene

 

Do you only feel safe when you act or look a certain way? Do you feel you need to perform to be accepted? Do you need the emblems of success – the car, the clothes, or the jewelry? If your a victim of these feelings, then you’re like everyone else. We all use false faces. The problem is that they cover up the real you – the better you

What is my my false face and when does it show up? Usually it’s when I’m feeling scared or guilty over something. My guilt or fear typically centers on being worthless because I’m not accomplishing not succeeding. Yours centers on not being able to live the fulfilled life that you have determined necessary to be happy. It might be the fear of not having your physical needs met or material wealth. It may take the shape of fearing the rejection of others, It could be a fear of not being respected. What ever the cause one thing is certain, fear feels terrible. For me, I feel like I’m deserted – betrayed not only by others, but by myself and God.

Have you had times like these? To try and avoid theses fears, we develop differing behavioral mechanisms. We try to hide these fears by masking them. The term used by Brandon Manning is “the impostor.” Anybody who has really studied the theory behind behavior soon realizes that our strengths are developed to overcome our perceived weaknesses. We develop our strengths to hide our fears – our weakness. To maintain health, the impostor face tries to eliminate those hurts by acquiring possessions, power and prestige. We grit our teeth and tightfisted we cling to those strengths so that we acquire for ourselves those things that we think will eliminate our fears. By doing this, in essence, we quit being all of who we were meant to be and settle for the impostor. In other words, we become an exaggerated form of only a part of who we were meant to be rather than our complete self. When this occurs, the self motivation of our actions creates the exact opposite of true leadership. Rather than serving, we become self serving.

So what’s the cure? What else but crucifixion. We must put the impostor to death by letting go. We must become vulnerable, open. There isn’t enough room on this blog to go into all this now but a simple answer would be surrender. It is letting go of the impostor by continually loosening our grip on this way of living and instead entrusting ourselves to all of whom we were meant to be. For me, it meant surrendering to an omnipotent God whose very character is love. His perfect love continually reminds me that I am loved despite my imperfections while his omnipotent nature insures that He loves me so much that He is unwilling, and able not to allow me to stay the same. For me it is surrender to God. To God who revealed Himself through His Son Jesus.

Yes, we need to look on the bright side of life. Not through avoidance but in realizing the possibilities that spring from embracing our fears and our false face, by surrendering, and by the crucifixion of our impostor. Only then can we truly lead.

If you would like to read more on this, I would like to suggest that you pick out some books by David Benner or Richard Rohr.

The Bright Side of Troubles

Always Look On The Bright Side of Life

Some may view this parody by Monty Python as sacrilegious. I don’t. Instead, I see it as truth. The truth that real life, which is the bright side of life, can only ne achieved through hardships. Only by suffering through the hard times do we recognize our saboteurs and are thus enabled to put those saboteurs to death.

What is my my false face and when does it show up? Usually it’s when I’m feeling scared or guilty over something. My guilt or fear typically centers on being worthless because I’m not accomplishing not succeeding. Yours centers on not being able to live the fulfilled life that you have determined necessary to be happy. It might be the fear of not having your physical needs met or material wealth. It may take the shape of fearing the rejection of others, It could be a fear of not being respected. What ever the cause one thing is certain, fear feels terrible. For me, I feel like I’m deserted – betrayed not only by others, but by myself and God.

Have you had times like these? To try and avoid theses fears, we develop differing behavioral mechanisms. We try to hide these fears by masking them. The term used by Brandon Manning is “the impostor.” Anybody who has really studied the theory behind behavior soon realizes that our strengths are developed to overcome our perceived weaknesses. We develop our strengths to hide our fears – our weakness. To maintain health, the impostor face tries to eliminate those hurts by acquiring possessions, power and prestige. We grit our teeth and tightfisted we cling to those strengths so that we acquire for ourselves those things that we think will eliminate our fears. By doing this, in essence, we quit being all of who we were meant to be and settle for the impostor. In other words, we become an exaggerated form of only a part of who we were meant to be rather than our complete self. When this occurs, the self motivation of our actions creates the exact opposite of true leadership. Rather than serving, we become self serving.

So what’s the cure? What else but crucifixion. We must put the impostor to death by letting go. We must become vulnerable, open. There isn’t enough room on this blog to go into all this now but a simple answer would be surrender. It is letting go of the impostor by continually loosening our grip on this way of living and instead entrusting ourselves to all of whom we were meant to be. For me, it meant surrendering to an omnipotent God whose very character is love. His perfect love continually reminds me that I am loved despite my imperfections while his omnipotent nature insures that He loves me so much that He is unwilling, and able not to allow me to stay the same. For me it is surrender to God. To God who revealed Himself through His Son Jesus.

Yes, we need to look on the bright side of life. Not through avoidance but in realizing the possibilities that spring from embracing our fears and our false face, by surrendering, and by the crucifixion of our impostor. Only then can we truly lead.

If you would like to read more on this, I would like to suggest that you pick out some books by David Benner or Richard Rohr.

Making Fun or Making Heroes?

Upper Class Twit of the Year

Have you ever had anyone work for you, anyone you worked with you, or anyone you had to work for that resembled these guys? It seems like they can’t get out of their own way. You get so frustrated that you say, “The Heck with it, I’ll just do it myself.” Apparently these guys had associated with people who had said the same exact thing!

If someone hadn’t taken the time to teach me how to do things the right way, I would have been a real duffus! Having parents, coaches, teachers and mentors made all the difference. When I consider all the times they could have given up on me or lost patience with me, I have to pause and say thanks.

How about you? Did you get to where you are all by yourself? I’ll bet that someone showed enough concern that they took the time to teach you what and how to complete the job. They probably allowed you to watch them as they exampled the activity so that you could see how it was supposed to be done or they allowed you to work with them as they performed the task. Then, one day, they allowed you to do the task while looking over your shoulder and correcting you when you started going astray. Finally they let you go and dared you to do it all by your lonesome. “Do it all by myself,” was probably what you thought. But you know what? You did it and you did it well. Why? Because you were ready to be let go, Because they had made sure you were able. Because they encouraged you by supplying confidence in your abilities.

Which kind of leader are you? If you don’t take the time to teach others, you’ll always be a one man show. But, if you take the time and show some compassion,to teach and train, to instill confidence, you’ll soon discover that it might have taken a little longer on the start-up but the in the long-run you’ll be able to do more than twice what you thought possible.

So, I ask again, which kind of leader are you? Let’s check our oil:

1. Do you get frustrated with those who are not able to perform up to your capabilities or do you feel compassion for them and want to make them better?

2. Do you take the time to teach them the right way?

3. Do you mentor them by allowing them to work with you and once they’ve reached a level of competence, do you allow them to work while you assist?

4. Do you have enough confidence in them that they, through osmosis, gain confidence in themselves so they become top performers?

5. Do you ever have enough confidence to allow others to delegate assignments so you can move on to other tasks that only you can do?

Having Conflict – Why and How

Argument Clinic

To gain commitment, people need to be able to express their thoughts, ideas and concerns. They need to know that they are being heard and that their views are being considered. For this to occur, people need to have trust in those around them. They also need to know how to have conflict. Why is conflict important? Because open conflict is the proven process by which the best decisions are reached in the shortest period of time.

This skit is a comedic way of looking at the what and what not to do when having open conflict. First of all, nobody should have to pay a price to be heard. If a person is a member of the team, s/he has the right to be heard. The ability to speak one’s mind, provide their opinions and disagree with yours is the key to any useful commitment. This means that all conversation centers around the issue. It means that conflict by getting personal and abusive is not only out of bounds, it also destroys the possibility of trust which in turn destroys the likelihood of generating the best solutions. Debate isn’t just disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing. For conflict to have meaning, each party should provide insights, probable alternatives and data to back up their comments. If disagreement occurs simply for the purpose of disagreeing, it usually results in one person hurting another.

The solution is simple. Prior to entering a discussion where conflict is needed to reach a commitment based on what is deemed the best solution available in the shortest period, develop trust within your team. Also develop a set of rules that must be adhered to. You’ll be surprised to learn that the ability to have open dialogue will also leads to these better solutions in less time. Remember also that this is not about consensus or compromise. It is about finding the best. This means there has to be a leader. When all is heard and reviewed, then the leader must decide. As Harry Truman said, “The buck stops here.”

Is your team able to trust one another enough to be able to have open conflict about ideas and procedures? How long does it take for you to arrive at these decisions? Are political silos apparent in your organization? Lets check our oil.

1. How well do you know your teammates? Do you appreciate their contributions to the team? Do you understand their weaknesses and are you understanding with what you might deam a limitation?
2. Are you able to trust one another knowing that the conversation will always be centered on the issue at had?
3. Have you, as a team, created a set of standards to which everyone is held accountable? Do your standards include being able to support your opinions? Do they include never getting personal? Do they include never being abusive?

Are You Stoning or Developing

How can a person be expected to grow if every time a mistake is made s/he is bombarded with stones? If treated correctly, mistakes can be valuable tools for learning.

I don’t know about you but I always learned more when I made mistakes than when I was doing things well. The reason is that usually when things are going well, we don’t really pay attention to what we’re doing. But, when things go bad, we analyze every detail and then adjust the way we’re going about the task.We tend to work harder and longer to correct mistakes. We practice longer to make sure that we’re doing the task the right way and that it becomes a habit.

The apostle Paul once said that, “forgetting what lies behind, I press on.” That doesn’t mean we just keep on keeping on when we’re not doing things correctly. It does mean that we shouldn’t let past mistakes get in our way of getting better, of learning the needed skills, and of being persistent in maximizing our abilities. In other words we don’t quit! In fact, we try harder, we press on.

As a leader, are you developing your people or are you a stone thrower? Let’s check our oil:

1. When you delegate a task, do you first make sure you’ve provided the training and instruction needed for your helper to be successful?

2. If you fail at something do you just give up or do you keep trying? Do you live an example?

3. When people make mistakes, do you blast their performance; Do you decide,”I’ll just do it myself”; or do you show them their mistakes, provide correction, instruction and encouragement so they can get it right the next time? Are you patient?

Just suppose that every time you did something wrong, your mentor had stoned you? I know what it would have been like for me! I can still remember Buck Buchannon at my induction into the NFL Hall of Fame saying, “he sure must have gotten better since I played him.” Thank goodness I wasn’t stoned!

Communicating Change

Monty Python – The Tobacconist

How important is communications? As James Humes said, “The art of communication is the language of leadership.” So what are a few essentials to clear communications?

1. Before others will believe you, you have to believe yourself. Have you ever listened to some person speak on a subject and all they did was go through the talk quoting facts and figures? BORING! On the other hand, when you listen to someone who is excited by what they are telling and you sense they really believe what they’re talking about, you listen. In the same way, you should always speak with integrity and conviction; believing in what you’re saying and excited to share it with those around you.

2. When you talk, let your actions speak. People not only listen with their ears but with their eyes. A good communicator speaks about things they try to model in their lives.

3. K.I.S.S. The best acronym for a communicator – Keep It Simple Stupid. I recently bought a Kindle from Amazon. The best feature is that if I move the curser next to a word, the definition shows up. Admit it, most of us are to lazy to go to a dictionary and look up words. I know I don’t. Another rule a speaker should consider when speaking to me is that if a word has more than two syllables, I probably won’t understand it.

4. Create an actionable event. If you’ve been able to get your message across, let people know what they can do to make it happen. Too many communicators get me all excited about a subject and then leave me stranded because they don’t give me the next step.

If you want to become a better communicator, let me suggest a book. Let me warn you it was designed for preachers. I started not to mention it but then I thought about the fact that we’re all preaching about something and true preaching is about communicating. And, if there’s some preachers out there, your congregations would appreciate you learning these skills. The book is, “Communicating for a Change: Seven Keys to Irrestible Change” by Andy Stanley.